As I begin to tackle this new challenge in my life, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. I’m sure this is something we all face. We decide to pursue a goal, knowing it will be difficult. Before we even begin, we’re faced with a problem that has kept us from goals before. We have issues and those insecurities have haunted us before. How many times have we all wondered at some point if we were going insane? We have quirks in our personality, which we try to hide from everyone. We can try our entire lives to keep these hidden from the world. But, what if the very thing about us we’ve hidden are the things that will help us succeed?
Psychology’s View
In psychology, we research psychological and personality disorders. As I began to meet with clients, I realized that everyone secretly wonders if they have a disorder. Everyone fears that there is something profoundly ‘wrong’ about them. The truth is, having a disorder doesn’t truly matter. The so-called label says much less than people think. Yet, time after time, the client would want to know if I gave them a diagnosis. It wasn’t out of fear, but out of hope. Most people want to have a disorder, because they could then say, “I now make sense”. Without a disorder to blame, there is no source or reason for all those quirks. They would always follow up with, “so why do I….”.
When you look at a disorder in the DSM (the diagnostic manual), each disorder has a list of criteria. Not surprisingly, they frown upon the idea of haphazardly assigning disorders to people without any justification. In order to have an official diagnosis, you have to meet a certain amount of the criteria (signs). If you “meet criteria”, but not enough to have a disorder, you are said to have “tendencies towards” the disorder. Why do I even have this paragraph, knowing that most people are not interested in psychology? To say that every single person has some tendencies towards at least one disorder. Perhaps not enough to be given a diagnosis, but we all have our quirks. The definitive factor in having an official diagnosis is that all of the criteria has created an impairment. In some way, it’s impairing your life, academically, relationally, at work…
Quirks: Strengths v Weaknesses
As tragic as it might feel to have weird habits and to feel insane from time to time, it rarely constitutes an impairment. Many times, it is the quirks that help people succeed. People with tendencies towards Major Depressive Disorder are usually more empathic. Those quirks that make them feel hopeless and insane also make them amazing people to talk to. People with Antisocial tendencies make for highly efficient CEOs. Histrionic tendencies can make for an incredible performer. Quirks are neither good nor bad. They are only quirks. But, we have the opportunity to view them as either positive or negative– a strength or a weakness.
Spiritual View
Going into this conversation with the understanding that we all have quirks, we now have to ask why. Why would God create us with such odd nuances and why do we seem to ‘struggle’ with them? When getting to know people, I try to discover two things about them. I try to find out what they consider their weaknesses and what is their big goal in life. I find that their weaknesses are intricately tied to their goal. If they change their perspective of that weakness, it is not only something that could be used to accomplish their goals, but it is actually integral to its success. But, what happens is that they view their quirks as weaknesses, when those quirks could be strengths. They then spend their lives trying to ‘overcome’ their strengths.
Why do I consider this a spiritual issue? Because, what has happened is that the lies they have been struggling with their entire lives are that their strength is something to be ashamed of. Then, every time they face a painful experience, the same lie comes up and it affirms their darkest fear. Your quirks are a weakness to hide.
Intentional Challenge: Celebrate the Quirks
This is an ongoing challenge that you will have to go through for your entire life. I have come to believe that no one ever truly overcomes this challenge. But, this challenge is one that will consistently bring us closer to all other challenges. No matter what, you’ll be facing the challenge of dealing with your quirks. But, if you face it with intention, you can drastically change the outcome of all the challenges you face.
