When New Years comes around, I never create resolutions. As someone who has never stopped attending or teaching school, I will always see August as the beginning of the year. No, this is the time for reflection and for cleaning house. Speaking of which, I’m getting ready to move into a new house. This provides me the opportunity to reconnect with former friends. Friends that were a significant part of my life, yet we hadn’t talked for years. If you were ever a part of my life, yet we are now barely more intimate than strangers, this is for you.
What I Told Myself
Admittedly, I clean out my Facebook friends list on a regular basis. I delete contacts from my phone list. If we haven’t stayed in touch, there is a good chance I’ll be cutting you out of my life. *cue Phoebe cutting out Amanda dahling* So, what is the driving force behind leaving a trail of former friends behind me? What travesty have you committed?
After college, the inconvenience of keeping in touch hit us all. We’re no longer running into each other 5 times a day. We all have jobs and families and… Facebook is all that keeps us acquainted. We’re too busy to be friends with everyone. We have to carefully select who stays in our circle, and who becomes the former friends. As an introvert, I have no interest in the pressures of maintaining a high number of friendships, each with their own obligations. While I would like to think I’m merely making wise emotional investments, I’ve come to a place where I have to question that reasoning. But, if I’m being honest, this has not always been what drives me away.
Why I Left You Behind
The truth is that I’m not naturally invested in my friends. I rely heavily on my day planner (*gasp*). I schedule in birthdays (thank you, Facebook), sending letters, making phone calls, checking in on people and hanging out. If it weren’t in the planner, I would forget to say hello until we get to the pearly gates. So, I put an inappropriate amount of effort into planning people into my life.
But, I am not the only busy one. Some of you have kids, for crying out loud (the cats are really not a strain on the ol’ planner). But you forgot to respond to my text, you’ve not been available for the past 3 movie nights, and you included everyone but me in that ‘tag the most amazing people you know’ meme. Now, all that hard planner work feels as if it is all for naught. I used washi tape on you, and I’ve decided that the friendship only matters to me. So, you became another piece of the former friends heap.
My Apology to a Lifetime of Former Friends
I hope I’m not alone in this, but I sometimes get reminiscent of my younger days. And I am filled with embarrassment. I think of my elementary days and the number of tantrums I threw. Once, I threatened to tattle on my grandmother for telling me to clean up after myself (even for a 6-year-old, that seems a douche move).
I think of my middle school days and the level of awkwardness I reached. ‘Homeschooled pastors’ daughter’ is quite high on that scale, I assure you. I had this odd habit of pretending not to notice when people were being rude, because I thought it would be impolite to point it out. Then, there are those of you who had the sincere misfortune of knowing me in high school. Oh, the snotty attitudes, nasty looks on my face, trying to make everyone feel two inches tall, and the general disgust I seemed to display. I hope most of you caught me after that phase.
This brings us to my college days. I genuinely attended college for a degree, so many of you simply didn’t matter to me. Granted, I was surrounded by so many of you, that it never occurred to me that the day would come when I wished we’d known each other better. This trend seemed to continue, with only a handful of people from my Abilene days in contact with me.
This Hurt Me More Than it Hurt You
Life hit hard– adulthood was mistakenly advertised as having the ability to go out whenever you want. No one told us that adult problems are so painful. As life became too difficult, there was a stinging realization that I never invested in friendships. That meant that there would not be anyone to rely on in those moments. I needed you, and I robbed myself of the benefit you would have brought into my life. The most you missed out on was an infinite supply of office supplies and borrowing textbook whenever you want (but not to highlight my books– that is pure sacrilege).
No Apology Without Reform
Of course, no apology means anything unless it’s backed by action. As we come into this new season, I want to personally extend an olive branch to all my former friends. This is to all the people I haven’t spoken to in years, who were left with a bad impression of me, or who have found themselves as the ones without a friend to rely on. No matter how long it has been, or how vaguely we knew one another, you can reach out, and I will clear the planner and open my heart to the inconvenience of friendship.
If you need advice, to vent, encouragement, a laugh or just to know that you can grab a cup of coffee with someone, you can let me know. If you want to rekindle the friendship today, next month or 5 years from now, I promise to respond. We can pick up where we left off or start over from scratch. The terms are solely up to you.