It’s in the Waiting

I am an unabashedly impatient person when it comes to waiting for God to move. From what I see of the characters within the Bible, I am not alone in this struggle. There is a realness in the biblical narrative that make my own struggles ‘fit’ within the context of my faith. Impatience does not seem to disqualify anyone. On the other hand, there seems to be a difficulty in taking a bold move to act, rather than wait. This seems to be a balancing act that none master, and yet God does not ostracize them in their faith. There is a complex relationship between waiting and being obedient to God, as these are neither mutually inclusive nor exclusive. The waiting seems to be connected to fear of enemies and apprehension to trust God; yet permission is given to struggle.

The Israelites

In Deuteronomy 1:6, God calls the Israelites out, telling them that “[they] have stayed long enough on this mountain.” God had planned good things for the people of Israel, yet they were apprehensive to step out. Apprehension and fear become staples in the disobedience cycles. Awaiting Moses to come down from Horeb/Sinai was met with impatience to hear from God and a fear that a God without physical evidence is a lesser god. Yet, the next moment, God is leading them away from their time of waiting. This, too, is met with fear of the unknown. Whether they were waiting for Him to speak or they had heard Him speak, they had feared.

It’s easy to dismiss the Israelites as an example of poor faith. But who among us can’t relate to opposing thoughts in our faith. “God, tell me what to do…oh, but don’t tell me that.” They were afraid of the Egyptians and yet God rescued them from slavery. They were afraid of the Canaanites, yet they had just experienced victory. It was not the waiting that discouraged them, but the fear of facing enemies and apprehension that God would see them through. Yes, they were then forbidden to enter the Promised Land (which they complained over, despite just stating that they didn’t want to enter); but God remained with them throughout the 40 years of wandering.

Elijah

Once again, Mount Sinai (believed to be the same mountain as Horeb) becomes a refuge for waiting. In 1 Kings, Elijah experiences first-hand victories over Ahab and Jezebel. Much like the Israelites, he experienced one victory after the other over his enemies. King Ahab and Queen Jezebel were a fierce duo of dysfunction and blatant evil (not a single good intention between the two of them). Yet, this powerful prophet and model of spiritual warfare experienced the same fear and apprehension as the Israelites.

While it’s easy to label the Israelites as weak and immature in their faith, Elijah is a pinnacle of faith. Yet even he was allowed to embrace fear for a moment. While fleeing Jezebel is quite the plot twist, God literally provided him with food and water to aid him in his flight (for 40 days, paralleling the Israelites’ wander). But, God still remained with our hero, despite his apparent lack of heroism. Fear did not shock God and He allowed Elijah to voice his concerns.

Waiting: Know Your Horeb

In one instance, God commanded waiting, while the other was self-decided. They had both experienced victories over enemies considered undefeatable. Yet, they were both convinced that a loss was to come. They both struggled to acknowledge the implication of the victory: God was greater than their enemies and more victories were to come. In this way, they both ended up sinning in their personal response to their situation, by placing someone/thing above God: a golden calf and Jezabel. They were affected emotionally and those emotions led to poor behavior. The Israelites were told to wait and began to mope and grow tired of waiting. They then struggled to act, rather than wait. Elijah was a man of action who then chose to wait out of fear and was tired of facing the same enemy.

Applying to My Waiting

These stories are so rich to someone like me who both loves and hates to wait. The waiting is neutral– it’s neither good nor bad. It all comes back to what (or who, rather) led to the waiting. Did God lead me here or did I seek this out? It all comes to moving when He says move and waiting when He says to wait. And where is my heart during these seasons? Is God on His throne or are the enemies that He promises to conquer? Regardless of any past victories, both instances depict a concern that perhaps God will not see you through the current battle. While I have not seen a sea part or an altar burst into flames, even those victories do not make someone immune to fear over the next battle. We have permission to struggle to act and to cling to the waiting.