The Apostasy of Church: Abandoning the Faith

People are leaving the Church in droves. With the whirlwind of COVID restrictions over the past few years, a topic resurfaced in Church conversations: church attendance. Many of us could not attend church in person, not necessarily by choice. When our choice was given back, we didn’t always choose to go back. Some of us were leery of church members being sensible about COVID guidelines. Or perhaps you had finally found a church you connected with, but online. But this is not the reason for the decline that I want to talk about. Before COVID, this was an issue, and it hasn’t improved. 70% of people leave the Church by the time they are 18. For the first time in the US, church membership has become the minority The technical term for this denouncing of faith is ‘apostasy.’ This is happening across all religions: people abandoning their former faith.

My experience

I was raised as a pastor’s kid (PK), for those who don’t know me. I’ll save you the wealth of less pleasant memories of this experience. I have never begrudged my time in a pastor’s family. However, it does provide you with a front-row seat to the worst side of the Church. I know that there is a lot of attention given to spiritual wounds by pastors, but I found the church members to be the most painful part. You become the target of gossip by people who so sweetly shook your hand on Sunday, claiming to be ‘praying for your family.’ You are held to a higher standard than the rest of the church, so their sin is permissible, but they condemn you for behavior never mentioned in the Bible. My list of sins includes:

• Not preferring the King James Version
• Wearing pants to church (on a Wednesday night, to be clear)
• Pierced ears
• Wearing makeup
• That 2000s moment when I had streaks in my hair
• Attending concerts
• There was BASS at the concert

Many of them meant well and bear no one ill will. My particular church struggled with bitterness. I only ever felt sorry for them because they never changed. With that said, I also understood why no one ever went to that church. Bitterness leads people to present the ugliest side of themselves.

Others’ Apostasy

I wish my experience were unique, but most of you likely relate. People can show their worst sides when they are lonely, bitter, or have unresolved issues. They lash out, say harsh things and speak death over your identity. This is an especially painful betrayal when it occurs within the Church.

Those around me also seem to have this on their minds. I recently met a fellow PK who also had negative experiences. While we didn’t get to engage in the specifics, it resonated with every other PK experience I’ve heard. There are unique challenges in your father being a pastor. You know the dark secrets of those who can judge others. You hear others misquote and misuse scripture to belittle or demean. Those in need get looked over. Those struggling in the faith are condemned. It’s not necessarily the norm for all churchgoers, but the PKs see the worst of these.

Another new friend shared his apostasy after experiencing direct hate. Both his sexual orientation and his race became reasons for blatant mistreatment. He asked an honest question. “So, why do you still have your faith?” No malice or aggression in the tone. Just a simple question.

Why the Apostasy Movement?

There are plenty of atheists who don’t believe in God. Speaking from my own (very limited) vantage, disbelief in God is only the final destination. The apostasy begins with us. It begins with the Church. People so often leave the church because of the people. Getting away from the people leads to escaping the faith. This is not the path for everyone’s apostasy, just the ones I’ve interacted with recently. Why this progression of apostasy? Why do people in the Church have so much power over faith?

The perception of Christians is that we speak for God, so our mistakes are seen as His. People pay attention to what we say and do because it represents the entirety of Christianity. Is this unfair? No, not really. The Bible speaks of Christians being ambassadors of the faith. We are under a microscope. Just as we were promised. What is unfair is that knowing this, we can still demean those around us. These negative treatments change the worldviews of others. It informs them of their value, God’s nature, and the world’s safety. It’s unfair for us to be granted so much power. It’s unfair for us to leave deep spiritual wounds. Flippantly. Over petty disagreements. Heck, over significant disagreements. Our response to others holds a lot of painful ‘core memories.’

What to do Over Apostasy

So, where does this leave us? How can we do better than we are? I’m not sure how to fix the entirety of the Church. I’ll leave that to the scholars and well-versed. I can also be a garbage human for petty reasons, such as needing a snack, so I’m not claiming to have this all figured out. When people leave our church or the Church, our response will determine how likely they will ever come back.

People ‘leaving the Church.’ We use this phrase, but perhaps it’s an oversimplification. Simply not attending your church is not a sin. God may be calling them to a new chapter, for example. Let’s say that they are leaving because they were offended– defining it as ‘leaving the Church’ is still not quite accurate, nor is it helpful. ‘Leaving the Church’ is a statement of finality.

Rather than rely on black-and-white assumptions, our interpretation needs also to change. How often are we completely off base when we only use our interpretation of events? Instead, we need to get our hands dirty and reach out. Meet up with the person to check in with them. But please… let this not be the first to you reach out to them. Check on others in the Church. If we’re truly doing life together, know how they’re doing. It can be manipulative when we only reach out after the decision to leave our church.

If they decide to leave, our response will also speak volumes. Refrain from gossiping about them when they leave. This also means calling out others when they gossip to us. Gossiping says a lot more about us than it does the other person. If others are comfortable gossiping with you, it says a lot. It also ensures that no one will ever decide to come back to that church. Can you imagine returning, only to hear all the horrible things people said instead of reaching out to you? When they need community the most, they get your gossip instead.

Before they leave, we must also question the motivations behind our actions and words. Was it to uplift, or was it to be right? Did we leave that person better than when we found them? Whether they are fellow churchgoers or strangers, we DO represent Christianity.

Perhaps you’re the one in this boat. Someone has rubbed you the wrong way for too long, leaving you hurt. Our first instinct is to run. While trying to avoid those who hurt us, we also avoid those who could build us up. I don’t encourage you to stay in an abusive or toxic church environment but find one that is more… Christ-like. Go find your people. And when you do, have their back. Look out for those who are struggling. Don’t wait for them to be barely surviving before checking in.