I have so much chaos in my life, it’s become normal. You become used to it. You have to just relax, calm down, take a deep breath and try to see how you can make things work rather than complain about how they’re wrong.
Tom Welling
There are certain periods in life when all the … fluff…. all of the extras and non-necessities must be set aside, in order to see what it is that you actually need to focus on–otherwise, you have too much that ‘demands’ your attention and screams that it possesses a sense of urgency.
In wiping the table of all the things in life that do not actually require your energy, it frees you to see the reality that there are only a few things that you really need to heed. There may be chaos and perhaps destruction among those few things, but they are few, all the same. All the world isn’t burning…. just a small plot of land. Clear the smoke, and see the small fire for what it is, and you can now manage the catastrophe.
Last semester marked a crucial, yet not often shared chapter in my life. I’m not one for broadcasting the drama coursing through my relationships with friends and family, the emotional tragedies of the day to day, the personal disagreements and discourse. I’m not typically one for sharing, as a general rule. In sharing something, I’ve always believed you are also giving it power, so in ignoring a problem, it will eventually lose all power and significance, freeing you of the burden involved in vulnerability.
But perhaps this way of thinking, while sometimes true, is often…. not. Perhaps there is a healing quality in verbalizing a pain. Perhaps there is a way to maintain a fixed problem-solution mentality, while spending a few moments dealing with the problem prior to creating an action plan. Perhaps keeping the problem in the dark is what truly gives it power and shining a light in the darkness relinquishes it of that power.
This leads me to two points of this blog. The only points within this blog, actually. First, as to the allusion of any events during last semester. I have begun teaching, a career I had once said I would never do (out of fear for boredom, if you can imagine such ignorance), and this has quickly become and remained the most difficult endeavor. Meaningful and enriching, but difficult on every level. I’d also had a personally challenging semester, resulting in a great need for a pause. Just a moment to breathe. To clear the table. To take away all the ‘fluff’ and deal only with what actually required my involvement. As much as I have learned the cathartic value of letting go of the grasp I have on my vulnerability, I think there is something, shall we say ‘irksome’ in broadcasting personal issues on social media and the internet (I teach middle school, but I am no longer in middle school). Suffice it to say that anyone who is remotely acquainted with me most likely knows the ongoing and persistent drama that looms over my family and there are a few of you who know the extent of last semester.
All this to say that I realize it has been a lengthy time since my last post, but it was not without provoked intent. Last semester was full of those unfortunate moments and anguishing situations. I devoted the sole of my energies to mending situations and dealing with life as it occurred & the remaining part of me was demanding by teaching. All else was wiped clear and set aside. Not forgotten, but also not the priority of my attentions. As much as I was enjoying blogging, among other things, it simply didn’t matter in comparison.
Teaching remains difficult and life demanding, but I have hit that point where balance is slowly emerging and I can return to other things.
For those of you who read my blog, expect me to actually return to my journey into Calvinism. The pause was greatly needed, but I can now hit the rhythm of my routine.